Chasing dreams...

Now I finally have a sole purpose for blogging again. I got the job I interviewed for.. I'm going to be a counselor until I become RN (planning the state board exam for february).. then I will take the position as an RN and get to do RN duties.

I'm excited. I'm going to be getting paid for stuff I did in nursing school now. Woohoo!

Its in psychiatric nursing.

It figures. With all the drama in my family.. it suites me.

I start Monday.

And, we got a house. Thank God.

I passed and graduated nursing school.
Been quite a while since I wrote anything here!
But with finals and drama, well.. time to blog was scarce.
And drama.. boy do I have a lot of it to share.

Tomorrow I have an interview with a psychiatric facility for a nursing job - at 3pm.
I'm very excited about it.
I can certainly work with crazy people.

The last of nursing school is quickly passing by. 10 weeks and 1 day.
Hemodynamics and what not on exam 3 on Tuesday. I've passed the previous 2 tests and done well at my clinical rotations and with my paperwork. I'm doing fine in the Dimensions of Practice class.... its all coming together.
And I had my emergency department and trauma. I loved trauma, a lot. This is the last place I thought I'd ever like. But so far, I like it the best. Odd.

So bad news that I didn't need right now.
My husband has relapsed. He's back on pills.. illegally.. getting them off the street. He is unaware that I know. But I do. He was busted. He doesn't realize I know people too........ doesn't help that he's purchasing them from a long time friend's mother's best friend's daughter.. if that made any sense.. I know the mother's best friend.. I freakin grew up knowing who she is.. and she is aware of what her daughter does (sells pills) and knows my husband..

She fessed up. Busted.

Now.. if I can get through enough studying until I feel comfortable.. I shall confront him this weekend, at my in laws house.. cuz I need some back up. He went to rehab and only detoxed back in February.. didnt complete it. I'm going to tell him to hand over the pay check... every week.. and start out patient therapy.. or leave.

Nursing school is back in full swing. The fears have subsided, and the motivation has kicked into full gear. I (proudly) made a 90 on our first exam, which was about HIV/AIDs patients, tracheostomies, heart rhythms and dysrhythmias, EKG strips, and CAD. I did not get a single EKG strip wrong, which makes me VERY happy because it was a majority of the test. I am very relieved and feel as though this will be a routine type of grade this semester. Our instructors are excellent at lectures, and its really coming together for me. I'm usually an "on the fence" type person with my grades, so I'm very proud of my 90.... anything that is 79 or below is failing.

I had my first clinical rotation at the local hospital. I was team leader. COPD patients. Again. I am definetely not a med-surg person. I did not enjoy being a team leader, at all. I only have to do that one more time and that is later on down the road this semester. And there are not enough patients at this hospital for us to have 2 or more. Its a joke really, but I certainly don't want to be driving 2 hours like other students are having to do. I got spotted in my local hospital, which for me equals excellent time management. I should probably stop complaining about that.

Sooo.... besides the school stuff. My husband is really getting to me. He's out of control it seems. In every aspect of his life. Sitting at church the other night while studying (I don't drop my son off and leave since he's so young, I stay until his program is over, or help when I can) I really had the feeling that I should actively participate (like attend on Sundays, be involved in a ministry) and that if I will go.. he will follow, and things will change.

I also think his ADHD needs to be treated. Now. Before *I* snap.
I love him, but right now, I don't like what he does with his attitude and actions. He's not a respectable person right now. He's gotten 4 tickets in a month too. Which is insane.

I guess that's all for now.

Our instructors posted some handouts online that are entitled
"How to Look Like You Know What You are Doing"
and
"Student Do and Student Don't"

I love nursing school.

Today I overheard a discussion stating that I did not have a partner, and there was one group with 3. We have 26 in the class. So they decided to split up and one would be my partner.
That's fine. It is. So, I got the girl who just had a baby. I think she's nice.

Then I get a text message many hours later. A different girl (who was supposed to be teamed up with someone else) asked to be my partner, stating the other two girls wanted to be partners.

Ugh. It's so petty. I said sure, thats no problem with me, and of course I don't mind.

Again.. the topic I chose is... Management of Conflict in the Workplace

My new partner? I had a fender bender with her. I didn't even leave a scratch on her car, and it just so happened to be where there was a giant dent. It was her parents car. They took advantage of my insurance, which was the last claim I could have... the insurance paid for the ENTIRE dent even though I stated it was present before the event. Then my insurance was canceled due to reaching my limit on claims. I mean.. DAMN.

I think I'm meant for this topic. My life is hilarious.

Then, I get my grade for our math test that determines the fate of whether or not we stay in nursing school. I got a "P".. what the heck did "P" stand for? Pass? Poor? Pending?
So I called the instructor. I've never had a "P" before.
It was pass, and I am blonde. Apparently I wasn't present when she stated it was going to be a strict pass or fail.

I think I'm a friendly person. I'm not intrusive, I'm not obnoxious, I'm polite. I smile at others and I enjoy having a conversation with people. I think people are interesting.. the stories of their lives, etc. If I didn't, I wouldn't have chosen nursing.

But people don't like me. Its weird.
It feels like I'm back in elementary school. (I was homeschooled beginning in 7th grade and up)
I never had a "clique" to hang out with or anyone close to me in elementary school.
I had my neighborhood friends during homeschool, which only occured through my big sister and her friends with their little brothers who were my age. (I only had one female friend)

First day back to classes we had to sit in the auditorium. I walked in, said my hellos and smiles. And I sat down. I honestly thought someone would sit next to me. Seriously. I thought maybe last semester when I was smoking, I'd developed friendships with the smoking crowd. I thought maybe I made friends when I carpooled to clinicals every week.

I don't have body odor. I am clean. I'm not ugly. I'm not loud. In fact I'm pretty quiet.
Everyone sat beside one another.. except me. I mean the ENTIRE CLASS didn't have a seat between eachother. But me? I had two seats between me and everyone else, and I was one of the ones to sit down first. That was uncomfortable for me, to say the least.

We were informed that we have a research paper to complete prior to the end of the semester in the dimensions of practice course. These papers and presentations will account for 10% of our grades. We have a choice to work in a group, or work alone. Then the dean of nursing (who is amazing, might I say, and the instructor for the dimensions of practice course) stated that she prefers pairs because it resembles teamwork, and it is important that we work with others.

She put out the list of topics tonight for a first come, first serve basis, our instructions were to notify the class of which topic we are choosing and who our partner is. I scroll through the list, everyone is partnering up with their buddies of course. Me.. I have no one. I delete from the list the topics that are chosen, and look at my remaining options.

Managing Conflict in the Workplace

That is the topic that I selected. I wrote to the class, stating that I claim this topic, and while I have no partner, I am open to anyone wanting to work with me on this topic. It counts for 10% of our final grade, and it must be in paper format and be presented in front of the class and the dean, over a time of 20 minutes.

How ironic and appropriate.

I'm not there to make friends, I'm there for my education and degree. But sometimes, itd be nice to have a person to study with and talk to in my class. This is the final semester, and I'm yet to find out why everyone says nursing classmates are like your family. My family is close. Perhaps they speak of extended family.. we just don't keep in touch. Will it be this way when I'm on a unit as a nurse? I guess time will tell me that. Meanwhile, I'll keep my eyes on the prize.

P.S. I'm already exhausted, and tomorrow is only day 3.
15 weeks and 2 days left until graduation.

I saw the syllabus. I saw the course outline. I saw that we start Monday instead of Tuesday which I previously thought…

Breathing in and out slowly does not help. Taking a shower does not help.

Time to go back to the NP and get my xanax script refilled. Lmao.

Funny thing is, I’m not kidding!

Last summer I was on this crazy winning streak. I won concert tickets to Blondie, Pat Benatar, and Heart.. which are my favorite singers of all time, so it was pretty freakin sweet. I also won tickets to a Southern Home and Gardens Expo event, which was awesome too.

This summer.. the winning streak continued. I won tickets to an amusement park but unfortunately was unable to go, and won VIP tickets to a concert with free drinks, and was unable to go. Yesterday, we won against the landlord who took us to court, and today I got a phone call from a local radio station. I won the Ultimate Date Night for my hubby and I, which included 2 concert tickets, dinner at one of the top 50 late night restaurants in the USA that we’ve never been able to afford to eat at, a professional photo shoot (never had professional pictures done of just him and I), and a limo ride to and from the photo shoot.

Pretty awesome for us, since we are currently buying back everything we pawned to live life through the past several months when my husband was unemployed and we didn’t get to celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary. We had to forfeit the concert for tonight, since my husband is a late night worker and has work this evening and cannot miss.. but they made arrangements for us to still get our dinner, limo, and photo shoot whenever our schedule is good for it.

I’m playing the lottery tonight.

I have been volunteering to help teach AWANA (kids program) at church on wednesday nights. I don’t regularly attend church, but my son is finally old enough to actually participate in this and absolutely NEEDS some kind of outlet, so here I am. I used to teach it a couple of years ago, the 5 year olds, and enjoyed it, so I thought.. what the hey.. I’ll volunteer until classes start.

I’m not one of those Christians that are against tattoos. I am in no position to point a finger saying “you should be like this, or that, or look like this, or that”.. so I feel as though I deserve the same respect and don’t freak out when they are exposed at church (job interview or clinicals, however, WHOLE NOTHER STORY)

However, it apparently bothered some of my children. You should’ve seen their faces when I was lining them up. 1st graders.. got into a conversation about my tattoos… they thought they were temporary. Shoulda seen the looks on their faces when I told them they will not wash off.

Parent nearby and other people much older than me nearby.. looking. I love your kids like Jesus and am teaching them about Him, so, thats all that matters.

Sadly, it will be my last night volunteering for a while since nursing school starts back next week, but my lil one will still continue to participate. He loves it.

God I love it when my husband is at work. After being laid off since September, the hours away are something unbelievable. Its a blessing to be employed in this economy.

So one week to go before classes start back. Tomorrow marks one month with no cigarette (go me!) and I need to start bucklin down and getting organized.

Here's a great nursing school story..

Thought I grew out of my latex allergy, apparently didn't.. I remember during the first semester, practicing the "sterile handgloving technique" (I remember shaking in my scrubs doing that skill check off.. wow.. haha) I went to wipe the hair from my face with gloved hand (yes, breaking the sterile field but we were just practicing) and everything swelling up. My instructors freaked out and made me scrub my face, hands, and arms, and didn't have non-latex gloves to check off with, so I had to use tissue paper as a package, and use my husband's vinyl tattoo gloves (with the ends folded up and everything), that was an interesting time. To this day, the school still does't have non-latex gloves, so they bought me a box of vinyl to keep with me at home.

I didn't have a deadly reaction or anything, and fortunately all the hospitals have non-latex around here...

Leave it to me to be the special one.

This is a slow ass process. I’m having to individually go to each blog I follow under manage and change things so my name doesn’t appear and a new picture appears.

So yeah.. thats it. I’m not motivated to write anything at this moment. Typing with a band aid wrapped around your finger is a pain in the rear.

Decided against going to my in-law’s house after some things that were said which hurt my husband’s feelings. So that’s why we are at my parents house. And we have a court hearing on August 26th, I’m glad. This jerk is trying to get us for $421.20. I don’t owe ANYTHING like that. Psycho man.

So, since we were evicted from our previous place (which I’m not complaining, because I absolutely couldn’t stand being there anymore with an intrusive landlord, break-ins, and a sex offender living 2 apartments down), we are back at my parents house. I am happy here cuz its “home”. My husband had every intention for this to be very short term, but I told him he’s out of his mind- I will NOT be moving during my last semester of nursing school. No way, no how! Nor will I be moving when preparing for the NCLEX examination. My dog is happy to have us back, and my son is happy to be here.

I haven’t received a phone call for an interview for an intern position. Should I call? What would you do? What would you say?!?!

I think I need to change my blog name and everything so no one can hunt me down. Hmm..

Well our landlord is determined to get us out because “we cause trouble”.. in other words, we told a new neighbor a sex offender lives down the street and she told the landlord, and the landlord got really pissed. I mean, you should have heard him holllering at my husband about it!

He gave us an eviction notice because we have been late on rent (my husband has been on unemployment benefits and thats 220 a week, and sometimes we never even got a check) and we’ve been late a lot, but not more than 2 weeks and we always paid SOMETHING and always paid the ridiculous late fees, and it was always agreed upon, so its not like he had to wait for the middle of the month for the whopping 500 bucks. This would all change, but unfortunately my husband started his new job in the middle of a pay period so this month was the same.

So we are leaving. But we are leaving with no debt to him. So, that’s good.

We don’t have enough money at this time to move into a new place. It will take a couple of months. So, there are 2 options.. go to my parents house or go to my inlaws. I told my husband I wanted to go to my inlaws because my dad is a chronic pain patient and my husband has an addiction to pain pills (he doesn’t do them anymore, but I still say he’s addicted because he always asks for one or is tempted to ask, even though he don’t get it). My father in law called me this morning to inform me of the stipulations.

We can stay upstairs, but we cannot bring any of our things except for clothes. Everything we own must go into storage, even our beds and my son’s bed, we can sleep on the sofa sleeper upstairs together. He wants us to give him our bills every month so he can help us establish our credit (he’s a realtor, and I’ve been discussing with him about credit counseling). He will not move any of the workout equipment downstairs or any of the other furniture downstairs for more space, he will be coming up every morning at 7am to exercise. He said that in order to help us, their lives will not be disrupted.

So.. that pretty much sucks that I can’t sleep in my own bed for a few months, during my LAST semester of nursing school, and that I’m going to be super uncomfortable. But what can I do? Nothing. I can take all my things to my parents house and live there.. but I just don’t want to go through this battle with my husband and father again. That’s the reason why we left in the first place.

sad how 2 people who have been friends for most of their lives grow apart rapidly

one seems to want failure to occur in the other’s life, and its a damn shame.

more later, battery needs charging.

I finally got around to making one.

That is all.

Ekg’s scare me, and I hope I do well this semester. I’m more motivated than ever, perhaps from a summer long break of doing absolutely nothing.. but this is the FINAL push. 3 1/2 more months!

My books are going to be under 200 bucks this semester via amazon, thankfully. Its crazy how the college bookstore’s used books are more expensive that amazon’s new books.

I anxiously await a phone call for an interview…

My poor poor man. Due to our recent downfall in finances with him getting laid off, he had to sell his XBOX 360 in order to have a little cash for gas to go find a new job. My husband loved this thing.. he had an XBOX Live subscription (where you can play online against other players) and played Modern Warfare 2 all the time. He even went to a competition locally for kicks and won (no prizes except for a signed poster.. whoop-d-freakin-do.. oh and his name on the window)

Eventually (and thankfully), he found a new job. A coworker gave him his xbox 360 in exchange for my husband installing an intake on his truck. It worked, and he even had the Modern Warfare 2 game. My husband went to see his old friend (who just got out of ICU for attempted suicide via overdose.. good lord…) which he sold the previous xbox to. Turns out, when dude was in the hospital, the xbox was stolen. The guy was able to retrieve it, and the storage device was still in tact, and he gave it to my husband plus a 3 month subscription to XBOX live since he was using my husband’s gamer tag anyway.

So my husband was SO happy this weekend. He was certain this was a sign from God that this new job is a good one, afterall he had to sell his beloved Xbox to even get a job. Until this morning. My 3 year old hit the xbox with one of his toy swords.. and it gave the ring of death (In gamer world.. this means, its broken, flashing red lights). Now my husband is down and out. With no xbox.. again.

I personally think God didn’t like my husband cursing out all of the teenagers during his battles on xbox live. Hmm…

My summer is so wasted. Lol.

I seriously think this mean old man is plotting against us.

Our mailbox is broken (we share a big gray box with all of the other units, each have a locked door for their own section). My husband uses a tool to get it open since the key doesn’t work. It just happened over time… anyways.. remember that while I continue with my tale.

My neighbor who is attached to my duplex (whom I haven’t seen in a long time) came over today and asked me if my air conditioner worked, I told her yes. She asked if I’d come over and be a witness to what hers was doing. She told me she hasn’t been there for almost 3 weeks, has been staying with her daughter, because her air conditioner is not working. It runs, but it doesn’t cool AT ALL. It was over 100 degrees in there, it was terrible. And our current heat indexes OUTSIDE are in the range of 105-118. Our average temp is 100 degrees outside and 88 at night. So it was hot as hell in there (pun intended) and she told me she’s asked our landlord to come look at it and he told her it was “normal” and she was losing her mind…

Ladies and gentlemen, she is not losing her mind. That is NOT normal. Her house should be cool despite the temperature outside with a working air conditioner. Mine works, we have the same square footage. Hers APPARENTLY needs fixed. I had her take a digital pic of the thermostat and told her if she needs me to write a certified statement just in case he takes her to court for breaking her lease, she’s got it from me… I was wondering why I never saw her.

So.. an hour later.. he’s next door at her place.. the landlord. My husband goes to check the mailbox… and he sees my husband using a tool to open it. Conversation went like this:

Evil Landlord: “What is wrong with your mailbox?”

Hubby: “Its broken”

Evil Landlord: “Why did you break it?”

Hubby: “I did not break it, I don’t know why its like this. Several units are broken”

Evil Landlord: “Yall need to start taking care of my property! I already have to repair HER air conditioner and clean out that other apartment (he evicted my other neighbor) and now this!”

Hubby: “Excuse me, there is no YALL, I did not break the mailbox, this used to be SECTION 8 HOUSING”

Evil Landlord: “Don’t get an attitude with me!”

Hubby: “Don’t catch one with ME, maybe if you MAINTAINED your property, there wouldn’t be such a problem”

::: evil landlord speeds off in his van into the twilight ::::

I expect an eviction notice any day now. Lol.

By the way, found out a local judge told him he cannot penalize twice in his lease for late fees (10% of total rent AND 10 dollars a day for every day late).. that really pissed my landlord off I think.

You get what you put out is all I have to say.

I have not had a cigarette for 6 days.

GO ME.

I called the school today wondering why the heck is my statement not showing a loan, turns out that the FAFSA didn’t offer one up to me, and I needed to apply to one through a different process. OH the stress! But I got it done in time.

Tomorrow night, my cousin (who has decided to go for nursing, YAY!) and my friend who just found out she is expecting (YAY!) is coming over. What a nice evening having friends at my place, with a big angus roast and green bean casserole. I love weekends.

So I went to fill out the application for a nurse intern position today. There were two other nursing students there. Neither had a resume. I had a resume. I hope I stick out like a sore thumb.

I don’t know how many have already applied or will continue to apply through the week (they stop accepting applications on Friday), but they will begin doing interviews in August, and if I get an interview and a position, I would start working in September.

Gonna keep my fingers crossed and hope for something!

I am beating my personal battle and brought up all that will power again. I’ve hit after midnight, so I’m on day 4 without a smoke. Go me.

I finally got the haircut I’ve been dreaming for. Funny how little things like that make me happy. And I painted my nails too. May as well enjoy that while it lasts, because at my nursing school, no painted nails! And they must be trimmed, and I typically rock some long nails.. yeah.. life is boring right now ;) I’ll kiss them goodbye on August 31st.

Wish me luck, I’m applying for 20 extern positions at 3 hospitals in the morning. I have my letter of recommendation, my unofficial transcripts, my class schedule, my BLS card, my ID, my resume.. I’m ready.

I have to go to the employment service office to fill out an application.. I can’t wait to see the look on the person’s face when they ask which position I am applying for and which hospital.

I am going to stand there straight faced and say “all of them”.

I’m brave like that. And determined. Plus, I got pink nails and a new haircut, so that makes me even more awesome and unstoppable, right?

its been 38 hours without a cigarette. i can do this, i can do this, i can do this. i really need some gum

where the heck is my letter of recommendation.. i’m WAITING… and why can’t i muster up the nerve to open up ONE text book to review before the very last semester of nursing school starts? My ATI books spoke to me last night.. pretty much saying READ ME.. and I just can’t. Not yet. NOT YET. so SHUT UP. it was seriously a moment where i was walking past them and stopped dead in my tracks.. and we just stared at each other.. i then finally walked right on by..

im purposely not capitalizing any letters where it should be.. i made A’s in english. i’m being a rebel before charting begins again.

and WHY do things have to go bad before they get good? seriously? a whole lot of shit just came at us at once.. and i will not write about it because i don’t want to, instead, i turned out all of the lights in the house.. and i’m sitting in my pajamas, feeding my son hot dogs and cheese… and watching PBS kids.

thats all for now.

he said.. “mommy, can you help me read this?” while taking a poop.

promise this isn’t staged.

Ok, with my pounding headache from lack of nicotine, instead of yelling at my husband to get out the stress, I’ll complain about my landlord. We live in a duplex, its a nice neighborhood besides knowing there is a sex offender living 1 house down, the lady attached to me is clean so we don’t have roaches or mice. Her daughter finished classes at my school in December and is a nurse, so she’s always encouraging me to keep pressing on. I like her.

I don’t like my landlord. He’s old and grouchy. He was just diagnosed with lung cancer- taking up both of those lungs of his.. he rides his riding lawnmower like he’s the God of the duplexes. He likes to evict people. I figured it would be coming to us eventually. I think he randomly selects who his next victim will be. And he doesn’t keep his word, and doesn’t repair anything, which by the way is my ticket out of here when ready.

Our rent is 500 a month. If you don’t pay rent, you have to pay 10 dollars a day for each day you are late. Because we are NICE tenants and felt sorry for the old evil man, we didn’t harass him to add on to our driveway pad like he said he was going to do when we first moved in. Instead, we got some more gravel to lay down, since we were sick and tired of the few little pieces of gravel in the driveway, meaning.. every time it rained, it was like a hog farm, it was terrible. Mud EVERYWHERE. So we put down gravel, and he was very appreciative. We paid July’s rent for 490 (my husband had lost his job by being laid off, so we were 10 short.. story of our lives). The landlord said “not to worry about late fees” and just get the 10 bucks to us when we can, and all is fine.

Liar. Next time, voice recorder will be on hand. My husband went and gave blood cuz I was ridin’ him to go ahead and get the money to the landlord, I knew something was going to come of this. My husband’s unemployment check didn’t come that week so we literally didn’t have a dime. Here, you give blood and you get 20 bucks. My husband went to the landlord on the 9th, to give him the 10 bucks. Our landlord, seeing the other 10 in my husband’s hand, requested it for payment of late fees. Wrote a receipt, PAID, all is well.

Until yesterday. Now, on Wednesday, I requested my husband to go ahead and put $100 on next month’s rent so we can have some money to go on with his first check at his new job, and it won’t take every penny. He did, and the landlord applied it to the rent for next month. YESTERDAY, evil landlord calls and informs us that we owe $100 in late fees from July, and if we don’t have it by Monday, eviction papers are going to be written up and we will be taken to court. WTF?!?!?! Where did THIS come from?!?! If we owed $100, why did you take our $20 and say it was paid off? Hmm? You are going back on your word, that’s why. My husband was ready to pawn our gigantic beautiful TV that we purchased a couple of years ago. I refused. We ARGUED. I said, I will not be put in further debt (to buy it back) to pay this liar. I just refuse.

I told my husband, if our landlord knew we were $100 in the hole with him in late fees, WHY did he accept pre-payment on next month’s rent? He should have applied it. He can’t do that. Period. End of discussion. So, my husband called the landlord, and he agreed.. and said okay never mind. Just have rent to me on Friday. Excuse me? In my lease, rent is not due until between the 1st-5th, you’ll get it when its due jerk face.

Don’t threaten me. I’m not a redneck trashy crack head. I’m educated and aware of your little plot to play like we are all a part of your SIMS game. Maybe next semester you will be one of my patients in my clinical rotations. I’ll smile at you and be nice, yes, but I’ll be slow to stick any injections.

I feel better now. Time for a nicotine lozenge.

I’m so frustrated. I cannot find my camera anywhere. I am going to end up tearing my house apart, and go trough the trash outside. Terrible.

My mom helped me build a resume last night. It took us four hours, but it is PERFECT. There are a ton of intern positions opening up in hospitals right now, and I’m supposed to go to their employment services within the next week to apply. I’d about die if I got one, it means JOB SECURITY when I graduate, I won’t be on the search for a position, and will get RN pay on the position I’d be interning for after I get my license to practice. So, I’m very excited and hopeful. I am waiting on my letter of recommendation from an instructor to come through email. And to not have any experience working in healthcare and only have clinical experience, my resume is amazing. And all of my references are nurses, which is an added bonus :) Yay me!

Today is my QUIT SMOKING day. I can do it. I know I can. I have done it before.. three times.

Today is also, get this damn house clean day. Seriously.

Ugh. That's all I have to say. Organizing and perfecting our home with a 3 year old that grabs everything is next to impossible. Hoping that my dear mom and dad will take him for a night this weekend so I can get it done. With Austin (my husband) working 2nd shift, help from him isn’t possible. All errands are ran in the mornings and if I wake up before Garrett, he seems to just KNOW and hops up out of his bed in an INSTANT. I did manage to sweep quickly while he chugged his lemonade. Right now we are having lunch, I’m trying to convince him to sit and eat.

Sitting still and watching cartoons doesn’t happen anymore. I’ll never worry about him watching too much TV ‘cause he’d rather do what I’m doing. I try and give him a “chore” but he never likes them. It worked when he was 2.

And.. I really miss having a dishwasher. Where we live there isn’t one, and it succckkkksss.

My husband MIGHT get put on 3rd shift (10-6), some aspects of that are beneficial for me, but I won’t get any sleep, I know that much. We recently found out a registered sex offender lives 1 house down. Aggravated sexual battery. Niiiccceee. Makes me a bit uncomfortable. It may be put behind that guy, but still. Being a woman alone, just makes me uncomfortable. Our lease isn’t up until April 1st, 2011.

*SMH* when will my 3 year old see me as a disciplinary?

Well the time has come. Time for me to get my summer goals in order and actually tackle them. Classes start back sooner than I realize, and I have nothing done. Today’s goal is to complete my kitchen organizing, clean off the table which has OBVIOUSLY been my husband’s “catch all center”, and tackle my desk where I will spend the last months of my year printing CARE PLANS for nursing school.

I haven’t had a cigarette yet, I don’t know how long this will last today.. just trying, we will see.

Also, its time to pull out a school book. I need to refresh my memory on dosage calculations, and get good with my ATI pharmacology.

My son has managed to eat an entire box of gogurts (yogurt in a slurp pouch) in 3 days. At least its not chips and candy.

Dinner tonight : Chicken Stir Fry with Brown Rice. Yum.

I received this from a friend a while back and found it, decided to share..

This beautiful story was written by a doctor who worked in Africa..

One night I had worked hard to help a mother in the labour ward; but in
spite of all we could do, she died, leaving us with a tiny, premature baby
and a crying two-year-old daughter.

We would have difficulty keeping the baby alive, as we had no incubator
(we had no electricity to run an incubator). We also had no special
feeding facilities.  Although we lived on the equator, nights were often
chilly with treacherous drafts. 

One student midwife went for the box we had for such babies and the cotton
wool that the baby would be wrapped in. Another went to stoke up the fire
and fill a hot water bottle. She came back shortly in distress to tell me
that in filling the bottle, it had burst (rubber perishes easily in tropical
climates? ).

' And it is our last hot water bottle! ' she exclaimed.  As in the West, it
is no good crying over spilled milk, so in Central Africa it might be
considered no good crying over burst water bottles. They do not grow on
trees, and there are no drugstores down forest pathways.
' All right, ' I said, ' put the baby as near the fire as you safely can, and
sleep between the baby and the door to keep it free from drafts. Your job
is to keep the baby warm. '

The following noon , as I did most days, I went to have prayers with any
of the orphanage children who chose to gather with me. I gave the
youngsters various suggestions of things to pray about and told them about
the tiny baby.  I explained our problem about keeping the baby warm enough,
mentioning the hot water bottle, and that the baby could so easily die if it
got chills. I also told them of the two-year-old sister, crying because her
mother had died.

During prayer time, one ten -year-old girl, Ruth, prayed with the usual
blunt conciseness of our African children.  ' Please, God ' she prayed, ' Send
us a hot water bottle today.  It'll be no good tomorrow, God, as the baby
will be dead, so please send it this afternoon. '

While I gasped inwardly at the audacity of the prayer, she added, ' And
while You are about it, would You please send a dolly for the little girl so
she'll know You really love her? '

As often with children's prayers, I was put on the spot. Could I honestly
say ' Amen ' ?   I just did not believe that God could do this.  Oh, yes, I know
that He can do everything; the Bible says so.  But there are limits, aren't
there?  The only way God could answer this particular prayer would be by
sending me a parcel from the homeland..  I had been in Africa for almost four
years at that time, and I had never, ever, received a parcel from home.
Anyway, if anyone did send me a parcel, who would put in a hot water
bottle?  I lived on the equator!

Halfway through the afternoon, while I was teaching in the nurses '
training school, a message was sent that there was a car at my front door.
By the time I reached home, the car had gone, but there on the verandah was
a large 22-pound parcel.  I felt tears pricking my eyes.  I could not open
the parcel alone, so I sent for the orphanage children.  Together we pulled
off the string, carefully undoing each knot. We folded the paper, taking
care not to tear it unduly.  Excitement was mounting.  Some thirty or forty
pairs of eyes were focused on the large cardboard box.

>From the top, I lifted out brightly-colored, knitted jerseys.  Eyes
sparkled as I gave them out.  Then there were the knitted bandages for the
leprosy patients, and the children looked a little bored.  Then came a box
of mixed raisins and sultanas - that would make a batch of buns for the
weekend.  Then, as I put my hand in again, I felt the....could it really
be?  I grasped it and pulled it out.  Yes, a brand new, rubber hot water
bottle.  I cried.

I had not asked God to send it; I had not truly believed that He could.
Ruth was in the front row of the children.  She rushed forward, crying out,
' If God has sent the bottle, He must have sent the dolly, too! ' 
Rummaging down to the bottom of the box, she pulled out the small,
beautifully- dressed dolly.  Her eyes shone!  She had never doubted!  Looking
up at me, she asked: ' Can I go over with you and give this dolly to that
little girl, so she ' ll know that Jesus really loves her? '  Of course, I
replied!

That parcel had been on the way for five whole months, packed up by my
former Sunday school class, whose leader had heard and obeyed God ' s
prompting to send a hot water bottle, even to the equator.  And one of the
girls had put in a dolly for an African child - five months before, in
answer to the believing prayer of a ten-year-old to bring it ' that
afternoon. ' 

' Before they call, I will answer. ' ?(Isaiah 65:24)

One of my addicting shows premiers tonight called Teen Mom. It follows the story of the original cast of 16 and Pregnant, after having baby and living life as a mother. I often see teen pregnancies glamorized, and have been watching a show called The Secret Life of the American Teenager. Which is really mostly about sex and how accepted it is amongst the high school group, and about the pregnancies that occur and all the drama along with it. It really baffles me how these parents aren’t saying “No!”.

Kudos to all the teen parents that do it right and don’t let the life you were used to get in the way. Kudos to being a mommy and daddy for your little one at all times and not pawning them off on your mom and dad.

On another note.. my husband scored a great job, he’s a railcar switchman! I’m very proud of him. I know he’s proud of himself, as he got to sign papers today for health insurance for our family :) He’s never had a job that has offered an amazing benefit package, bonuses, paid time off, paid holidays, etc. So blessed! He’s been laid off since September, and its been really hard. We made it though!

I’m trying to decide if I want to sign up for this extern position in the psychiatric field of a hospital. Do I really want to get spit on or piss thrown at me? Although, I’m sure this happens in the ER as well. Hmmm…..

So, time to start prepping my body for pregnancy next year. I really want to get pregnant. Considering a home birth too.

testing windows live writer :)

this is my son when he was in the hospital, he’s 3 now *sigh*

I recently was reading about a lists of events in my county coming up. I came across a posting about joining a Mom's club.. for "stay at home mom's and part time moms". What the hell is this supposed to mean? Is this speaking of part time moms who only want their kid part time and put the responsiblity on someone else, or is this speaking of working mothers? Since the first was in a referral to stay at home moms, I assume the other is referring to working mothers.

Now WHY ON EARTH would you call a working mom a PART TIME MOM? A WORKING MOM is still a FULL TIME MOTHER. You NEVER lose the title of MOM when at work, you are on the clock 24/7 for the rest of your life as a mother! Yes, you may be working to SUPPORT your family financially and know that you can stand on your own two feet with a child/children, but my GOODNESS you are still a full time mother!

Although I'm not working yet, I'm in college so that I CAN have a stable future with my family under my wings. I will be a full time working nurse. When I'm away from my son even in class, or even if he's off with his dad spending "daddy and son time".. never do I stop thinking of my son, never do I stop praying for my son, and I always call to check on him and talk to him. Because I love him.

Being a FULL TIME MOTHER and Co-PROVIDER is an HONORABLE and BEAUTIFUL thing! To all the working mom's out there, you are NOT a part time mama!

Poor choice of words. Geez!
And speaking of being a full time mother... ugh.. whole different topic. Act like it. Kids are not an interference to your daily life.