Chasing dreams...

I think I'm a friendly person. I'm not intrusive, I'm not obnoxious, I'm polite. I smile at others and I enjoy having a conversation with people. I think people are interesting.. the stories of their lives, etc. If I didn't, I wouldn't have chosen nursing.

But people don't like me. Its weird.
It feels like I'm back in elementary school. (I was homeschooled beginning in 7th grade and up)
I never had a "clique" to hang out with or anyone close to me in elementary school.
I had my neighborhood friends during homeschool, which only occured through my big sister and her friends with their little brothers who were my age. (I only had one female friend)

First day back to classes we had to sit in the auditorium. I walked in, said my hellos and smiles. And I sat down. I honestly thought someone would sit next to me. Seriously. I thought maybe last semester when I was smoking, I'd developed friendships with the smoking crowd. I thought maybe I made friends when I carpooled to clinicals every week.

I don't have body odor. I am clean. I'm not ugly. I'm not loud. In fact I'm pretty quiet.
Everyone sat beside one another.. except me. I mean the ENTIRE CLASS didn't have a seat between eachother. But me? I had two seats between me and everyone else, and I was one of the ones to sit down first. That was uncomfortable for me, to say the least.

We were informed that we have a research paper to complete prior to the end of the semester in the dimensions of practice course. These papers and presentations will account for 10% of our grades. We have a choice to work in a group, or work alone. Then the dean of nursing (who is amazing, might I say, and the instructor for the dimensions of practice course) stated that she prefers pairs because it resembles teamwork, and it is important that we work with others.

She put out the list of topics tonight for a first come, first serve basis, our instructions were to notify the class of which topic we are choosing and who our partner is. I scroll through the list, everyone is partnering up with their buddies of course. Me.. I have no one. I delete from the list the topics that are chosen, and look at my remaining options.

Managing Conflict in the Workplace

That is the topic that I selected. I wrote to the class, stating that I claim this topic, and while I have no partner, I am open to anyone wanting to work with me on this topic. It counts for 10% of our final grade, and it must be in paper format and be presented in front of the class and the dean, over a time of 20 minutes.

How ironic and appropriate.

I'm not there to make friends, I'm there for my education and degree. But sometimes, itd be nice to have a person to study with and talk to in my class. This is the final semester, and I'm yet to find out why everyone says nursing classmates are like your family. My family is close. Perhaps they speak of extended family.. we just don't keep in touch. Will it be this way when I'm on a unit as a nurse? I guess time will tell me that. Meanwhile, I'll keep my eyes on the prize.

P.S. I'm already exhausted, and tomorrow is only day 3.
15 weeks and 2 days left until graduation.