Chasing dreams...

I think I'm a friendly person. I'm not intrusive, I'm not obnoxious, I'm polite. I smile at others and I enjoy having a conversation with people. I think people are interesting.. the stories of their lives, etc. If I didn't, I wouldn't have chosen nursing.

But people don't like me. Its weird.
It feels like I'm back in elementary school. (I was homeschooled beginning in 7th grade and up)
I never had a "clique" to hang out with or anyone close to me in elementary school.
I had my neighborhood friends during homeschool, which only occured through my big sister and her friends with their little brothers who were my age. (I only had one female friend)

First day back to classes we had to sit in the auditorium. I walked in, said my hellos and smiles. And I sat down. I honestly thought someone would sit next to me. Seriously. I thought maybe last semester when I was smoking, I'd developed friendships with the smoking crowd. I thought maybe I made friends when I carpooled to clinicals every week.

I don't have body odor. I am clean. I'm not ugly. I'm not loud. In fact I'm pretty quiet.
Everyone sat beside one another.. except me. I mean the ENTIRE CLASS didn't have a seat between eachother. But me? I had two seats between me and everyone else, and I was one of the ones to sit down first. That was uncomfortable for me, to say the least.

We were informed that we have a research paper to complete prior to the end of the semester in the dimensions of practice course. These papers and presentations will account for 10% of our grades. We have a choice to work in a group, or work alone. Then the dean of nursing (who is amazing, might I say, and the instructor for the dimensions of practice course) stated that she prefers pairs because it resembles teamwork, and it is important that we work with others.

She put out the list of topics tonight for a first come, first serve basis, our instructions were to notify the class of which topic we are choosing and who our partner is. I scroll through the list, everyone is partnering up with their buddies of course. Me.. I have no one. I delete from the list the topics that are chosen, and look at my remaining options.

Managing Conflict in the Workplace

That is the topic that I selected. I wrote to the class, stating that I claim this topic, and while I have no partner, I am open to anyone wanting to work with me on this topic. It counts for 10% of our final grade, and it must be in paper format and be presented in front of the class and the dean, over a time of 20 minutes.

How ironic and appropriate.

I'm not there to make friends, I'm there for my education and degree. But sometimes, itd be nice to have a person to study with and talk to in my class. This is the final semester, and I'm yet to find out why everyone says nursing classmates are like your family. My family is close. Perhaps they speak of extended family.. we just don't keep in touch. Will it be this way when I'm on a unit as a nurse? I guess time will tell me that. Meanwhile, I'll keep my eyes on the prize.

P.S. I'm already exhausted, and tomorrow is only day 3.
15 weeks and 2 days left until graduation.

I saw the syllabus. I saw the course outline. I saw that we start Monday instead of Tuesday which I previously thought…

Breathing in and out slowly does not help. Taking a shower does not help.

Time to go back to the NP and get my xanax script refilled. Lmao.

Funny thing is, I’m not kidding!

Last summer I was on this crazy winning streak. I won concert tickets to Blondie, Pat Benatar, and Heart.. which are my favorite singers of all time, so it was pretty freakin sweet. I also won tickets to a Southern Home and Gardens Expo event, which was awesome too.

This summer.. the winning streak continued. I won tickets to an amusement park but unfortunately was unable to go, and won VIP tickets to a concert with free drinks, and was unable to go. Yesterday, we won against the landlord who took us to court, and today I got a phone call from a local radio station. I won the Ultimate Date Night for my hubby and I, which included 2 concert tickets, dinner at one of the top 50 late night restaurants in the USA that we’ve never been able to afford to eat at, a professional photo shoot (never had professional pictures done of just him and I), and a limo ride to and from the photo shoot.

Pretty awesome for us, since we are currently buying back everything we pawned to live life through the past several months when my husband was unemployed and we didn’t get to celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary. We had to forfeit the concert for tonight, since my husband is a late night worker and has work this evening and cannot miss.. but they made arrangements for us to still get our dinner, limo, and photo shoot whenever our schedule is good for it.

I’m playing the lottery tonight.

I have been volunteering to help teach AWANA (kids program) at church on wednesday nights. I don’t regularly attend church, but my son is finally old enough to actually participate in this and absolutely NEEDS some kind of outlet, so here I am. I used to teach it a couple of years ago, the 5 year olds, and enjoyed it, so I thought.. what the hey.. I’ll volunteer until classes start.

I’m not one of those Christians that are against tattoos. I am in no position to point a finger saying “you should be like this, or that, or look like this, or that”.. so I feel as though I deserve the same respect and don’t freak out when they are exposed at church (job interview or clinicals, however, WHOLE NOTHER STORY)

However, it apparently bothered some of my children. You should’ve seen their faces when I was lining them up. 1st graders.. got into a conversation about my tattoos… they thought they were temporary. Shoulda seen the looks on their faces when I told them they will not wash off.

Parent nearby and other people much older than me nearby.. looking. I love your kids like Jesus and am teaching them about Him, so, thats all that matters.

Sadly, it will be my last night volunteering for a while since nursing school starts back next week, but my lil one will still continue to participate. He loves it.

God I love it when my husband is at work. After being laid off since September, the hours away are something unbelievable. Its a blessing to be employed in this economy.

So one week to go before classes start back. Tomorrow marks one month with no cigarette (go me!) and I need to start bucklin down and getting organized.

Here's a great nursing school story..

Thought I grew out of my latex allergy, apparently didn't.. I remember during the first semester, practicing the "sterile handgloving technique" (I remember shaking in my scrubs doing that skill check off.. wow.. haha) I went to wipe the hair from my face with gloved hand (yes, breaking the sterile field but we were just practicing) and everything swelling up. My instructors freaked out and made me scrub my face, hands, and arms, and didn't have non-latex gloves to check off with, so I had to use tissue paper as a package, and use my husband's vinyl tattoo gloves (with the ends folded up and everything), that was an interesting time. To this day, the school still does't have non-latex gloves, so they bought me a box of vinyl to keep with me at home.

I didn't have a deadly reaction or anything, and fortunately all the hospitals have non-latex around here...

Leave it to me to be the special one.

This is a slow ass process. I’m having to individually go to each blog I follow under manage and change things so my name doesn’t appear and a new picture appears.

So yeah.. thats it. I’m not motivated to write anything at this moment. Typing with a band aid wrapped around your finger is a pain in the rear.

Decided against going to my in-law’s house after some things that were said which hurt my husband’s feelings. So that’s why we are at my parents house. And we have a court hearing on August 26th, I’m glad. This jerk is trying to get us for $421.20. I don’t owe ANYTHING like that. Psycho man.

So, since we were evicted from our previous place (which I’m not complaining, because I absolutely couldn’t stand being there anymore with an intrusive landlord, break-ins, and a sex offender living 2 apartments down), we are back at my parents house. I am happy here cuz its “home”. My husband had every intention for this to be very short term, but I told him he’s out of his mind- I will NOT be moving during my last semester of nursing school. No way, no how! Nor will I be moving when preparing for the NCLEX examination. My dog is happy to have us back, and my son is happy to be here.

I haven’t received a phone call for an interview for an intern position. Should I call? What would you do? What would you say?!?!

I think I need to change my blog name and everything so no one can hunt me down. Hmm..

Well our landlord is determined to get us out because “we cause trouble”.. in other words, we told a new neighbor a sex offender lives down the street and she told the landlord, and the landlord got really pissed. I mean, you should have heard him holllering at my husband about it!

He gave us an eviction notice because we have been late on rent (my husband has been on unemployment benefits and thats 220 a week, and sometimes we never even got a check) and we’ve been late a lot, but not more than 2 weeks and we always paid SOMETHING and always paid the ridiculous late fees, and it was always agreed upon, so its not like he had to wait for the middle of the month for the whopping 500 bucks. This would all change, but unfortunately my husband started his new job in the middle of a pay period so this month was the same.

So we are leaving. But we are leaving with no debt to him. So, that’s good.

We don’t have enough money at this time to move into a new place. It will take a couple of months. So, there are 2 options.. go to my parents house or go to my inlaws. I told my husband I wanted to go to my inlaws because my dad is a chronic pain patient and my husband has an addiction to pain pills (he doesn’t do them anymore, but I still say he’s addicted because he always asks for one or is tempted to ask, even though he don’t get it). My father in law called me this morning to inform me of the stipulations.

We can stay upstairs, but we cannot bring any of our things except for clothes. Everything we own must go into storage, even our beds and my son’s bed, we can sleep on the sofa sleeper upstairs together. He wants us to give him our bills every month so he can help us establish our credit (he’s a realtor, and I’ve been discussing with him about credit counseling). He will not move any of the workout equipment downstairs or any of the other furniture downstairs for more space, he will be coming up every morning at 7am to exercise. He said that in order to help us, their lives will not be disrupted.

So.. that pretty much sucks that I can’t sleep in my own bed for a few months, during my LAST semester of nursing school, and that I’m going to be super uncomfortable. But what can I do? Nothing. I can take all my things to my parents house and live there.. but I just don’t want to go through this battle with my husband and father again. That’s the reason why we left in the first place.

sad how 2 people who have been friends for most of their lives grow apart rapidly

one seems to want failure to occur in the other’s life, and its a damn shame.

more later, battery needs charging.

I finally got around to making one.

That is all.

Ekg’s scare me, and I hope I do well this semester. I’m more motivated than ever, perhaps from a summer long break of doing absolutely nothing.. but this is the FINAL push. 3 1/2 more months!

My books are going to be under 200 bucks this semester via amazon, thankfully. Its crazy how the college bookstore’s used books are more expensive that amazon’s new books.

I anxiously await a phone call for an interview…

My poor poor man. Due to our recent downfall in finances with him getting laid off, he had to sell his XBOX 360 in order to have a little cash for gas to go find a new job. My husband loved this thing.. he had an XBOX Live subscription (where you can play online against other players) and played Modern Warfare 2 all the time. He even went to a competition locally for kicks and won (no prizes except for a signed poster.. whoop-d-freakin-do.. oh and his name on the window)

Eventually (and thankfully), he found a new job. A coworker gave him his xbox 360 in exchange for my husband installing an intake on his truck. It worked, and he even had the Modern Warfare 2 game. My husband went to see his old friend (who just got out of ICU for attempted suicide via overdose.. good lord…) which he sold the previous xbox to. Turns out, when dude was in the hospital, the xbox was stolen. The guy was able to retrieve it, and the storage device was still in tact, and he gave it to my husband plus a 3 month subscription to XBOX live since he was using my husband’s gamer tag anyway.

So my husband was SO happy this weekend. He was certain this was a sign from God that this new job is a good one, afterall he had to sell his beloved Xbox to even get a job. Until this morning. My 3 year old hit the xbox with one of his toy swords.. and it gave the ring of death (In gamer world.. this means, its broken, flashing red lights). Now my husband is down and out. With no xbox.. again.

I personally think God didn’t like my husband cursing out all of the teenagers during his battles on xbox live. Hmm…

My summer is so wasted. Lol.

I seriously think this mean old man is plotting against us.

Our mailbox is broken (we share a big gray box with all of the other units, each have a locked door for their own section). My husband uses a tool to get it open since the key doesn’t work. It just happened over time… anyways.. remember that while I continue with my tale.

My neighbor who is attached to my duplex (whom I haven’t seen in a long time) came over today and asked me if my air conditioner worked, I told her yes. She asked if I’d come over and be a witness to what hers was doing. She told me she hasn’t been there for almost 3 weeks, has been staying with her daughter, because her air conditioner is not working. It runs, but it doesn’t cool AT ALL. It was over 100 degrees in there, it was terrible. And our current heat indexes OUTSIDE are in the range of 105-118. Our average temp is 100 degrees outside and 88 at night. So it was hot as hell in there (pun intended) and she told me she’s asked our landlord to come look at it and he told her it was “normal” and she was losing her mind…

Ladies and gentlemen, she is not losing her mind. That is NOT normal. Her house should be cool despite the temperature outside with a working air conditioner. Mine works, we have the same square footage. Hers APPARENTLY needs fixed. I had her take a digital pic of the thermostat and told her if she needs me to write a certified statement just in case he takes her to court for breaking her lease, she’s got it from me… I was wondering why I never saw her.

So.. an hour later.. he’s next door at her place.. the landlord. My husband goes to check the mailbox… and he sees my husband using a tool to open it. Conversation went like this:

Evil Landlord: “What is wrong with your mailbox?”

Hubby: “Its broken”

Evil Landlord: “Why did you break it?”

Hubby: “I did not break it, I don’t know why its like this. Several units are broken”

Evil Landlord: “Yall need to start taking care of my property! I already have to repair HER air conditioner and clean out that other apartment (he evicted my other neighbor) and now this!”

Hubby: “Excuse me, there is no YALL, I did not break the mailbox, this used to be SECTION 8 HOUSING”

Evil Landlord: “Don’t get an attitude with me!”

Hubby: “Don’t catch one with ME, maybe if you MAINTAINED your property, there wouldn’t be such a problem”

::: evil landlord speeds off in his van into the twilight ::::

I expect an eviction notice any day now. Lol.

By the way, found out a local judge told him he cannot penalize twice in his lease for late fees (10% of total rent AND 10 dollars a day for every day late).. that really pissed my landlord off I think.

You get what you put out is all I have to say.